Every rose has its thorn

I was trying to make my mind up. Scream out, breath down. I am not allowed to say I feel alone or bad,  I just like to think how things would be in other way. When days are sunnier, friends are closer and well, have to say it dont I? I just would like to feel something close, to that cumbersome four-letter word. I'd like you not to be here but just bodily with your senseless words, or messages. You were not made of endearment, I was not made for you. "Do not crush on" that's what they say, I did not, that is what I am wondering why I feel sticky, fucking damn stuck as I do not feel nothing or I feel everything.